date; 20050322

i jus feel so super mad rite now..like ive never felt before..and that says something.i jus dont know wad to say..i feel totally betrayed..hurt..angry..and sad.i dont know what to write here..juz that im super super super mad..angry to the point of..well never mind.i so need someone to tell this to..but all my frends are at school..maybe my lex..but hes not online..

today is like the worst day of my life seriously.i dunno whats come over me though..i feel really really relly really like..i dunno..no words can describe wad im feeling now..[please help me khaye].except for YOU and YOU. i dont wanna hear from you ever ever ever again..why should i anyway.this is jus a small little thing..ok fine actually its not small..im listening to music now..feel like saying a thousand angry things but i cant..i jus wish tt i could have someone to talk to..but i dont..feel like the whole world is collapsing..haha.why am i laughing this isnt even funny.


arrrrrghhhhhhhhhh..im really seeing red rite now.i jus wish like su or diane were at home so i could call them..but i cant..im like a prisoner in my own home..dont you both know that a lie is so much harder to take than the truth..especially coming from two of my best friends..hopefully you two will be happy.hah. and YOU..you of all people should noe how much it hurts.i could have gotten over THAT, but not this..you guys both lying to me STRAIGHT. do you noe how horrid it is to TRUST you on something..actually believe you..and then find out tt you both are like scheming behind my back.and to not find out from you yurself..from somewhere else? and i know whats goin on anyway..i know everything..and thats ok..alright honestly. it isnt, but i can get over that.i'll be fine about that.

but the other part..i feel totally betrayed and lied to.which is appropriate cus i was lied to anyway.i have nothing else to say to you both ok..you..shouldnt you know what it feels like? she lied to you at first didnt she..and i know you got really sad..well yeah thats how i feel..and its kinda hard to believe tt you know what it feels like..but you still did that to me..i thought i was your frend..oh wait.did you actually think that i wouldnt find out?? haha.well youre little plan for me to never know is foiled isnt it.cos well i know..and i know everything. and last night at least you told me you lied but then you lied AGAIN when i asked you abt _____ this is wad you said--'its reli not wad it seems'..as if..its EXACTLY wad it seems.and you could have jus told me rite? and not wait for me to find out by myself??


im reli happy for you two..but i hope tt you dont hurt her in the end like you hurt me..not in tt way, but by lying.you didnt hurt me tt other way..haha you both should be feeling super happy and in yur own little world now...maybe till the point you didnt even care about yur other friends feelings..and i know im repeating the same thing over and over and over but its just that i feel so...ARGHHH.

in a way i feel happy that yur both happy..but also..i feel really really..like i can never forgive you guys for hurting me like this. and i will..i know i will..just not today.






its all so...


-laura-



*i wonder if you realise*

drops of jupiter;